It's me. I know what you’re thinking. Where has Clock Cleaner been? I miss his witty remarks, excellent analysis and second-to-everyone creativity both on and off the pitch. Well, worry no longer. I’m back, for one post anyway. So what made me return to the blogosphere? I’ve noticed an abundance…nay, a plethora of people with long hair in the tournament. Where did this phenomenon originate? I don’t know, but let’s take a look at the Men’s WCP Cup Top 10 Ponytails.
Now there are criteria. A ponytail is a specific hairstyle, and must not be confused with headband wearers or other mop head varieties. Cabylis brothers? Nope, you’re out. Camille? No dice. Paco? Could happen, but hasn’t. Marchinko? Not a chance, bucko. Me? No way. Jarvis? Nada. We’re dealing with straight-up ponytails. Hair near the back, with some sort of elastic band around it. No messing around.
10. Michael on
– You may or may not have noticed Michael’s pony tail. It looks something like Old Faithful at Laos , but on a far smaller scale. 1/2000th I’d say. While many players have long enough hair to do this same thing, none do. I don’t even think his hair is even long at all. Nevertheless, he put it into ponytail. Good for you, Mike. At least you’re trying. Yellowstone National Park
9. Spencer Martinson on
– I don’t know Spencer. But he has a ponytail, and it is pretty good. Good enough for 9th. Germany
8. Jordan Lupastin on
Poland – has the flow, but it just doesn’t have the same bounce as the rest of the guys on this list. If he used some volume-inducing shampoo, perhaps he could move higher. Maybe some conditioner. Jordan
7. Matthew Schmeichel on
- “Chewy,” as he is referred to, has a legitimate claim to the throne here. Let’s look at the criteria: 1. Ponytail. Check and mate! Poland
He can sometimes be confused for Randi, but that’s part of what makes a ponytail so effective for Chewy on the
bar scene. “Hey there, hot buns, let me just grind up on yoOHGOD.” Nice. Regina
6. Jordian Farahani on
Laos – “ ” as he is referred to…wait. Let’s hold up and switch topics for a second. Where do these nicknames come from? Who’s giving people nicknames? How does somebody even start calling a person Chewy? I looked up Chico , and it means “small, boy or child.” Are we insulting Jordian? Has anybody even bothered to ask these guys? Maybe they hate it...or maybe I’m just bitter that I don’t have a cool nickname. Is it based on your playing style? “Hey, there goes Shitty, running down the side.” Oh well. Anyway, Jordian has a ponytail. Chico
5. Nathan Reis on
– Nathan is too muscly for a ponytail, and he looks too much like Tom Cruise in the Last Samurai. And his upper body is so powerful, and his legs so strong…wait, what are we talking about? Why are my pants undone? Ireland
4. Ryan McGavigan on
– Ryan also has a ponytail. I’m running out of steam. Now I remember why I stopped doing this. Ireland
3. Zach Nenson on
Ireland – More like, , am I right? Yep, that’s about all I’ve got left. Republic of Ponytail
2. Gordie Peever on France – In an opinion completely non-biased teamwise whatsoever, Gordie’s ponytail flows majestically like the Seine through Paris, his glorious locks trailing behind him like a comet’s tail streaking through space. He’s been called the “Hair of a Generation” and was the inspiration for Samson in the Bible. Little known fact about Gordie: He loves to give backrubs. Ladies?
1. Guy on
with ponytail – What? I have to put 10 people on this list? Miscounted at the start. Whatever, who cares. Good work, Serbian guy with ponytail. You’re an inspiration to us all. Serbia